I don't have a job. I'm a lowly student who is not only in a lot of debt, I'm also way way into my overdraft. But if we can classify 'student' as a job (as technically, I don't think students can be labelled as unemployed?), then yes, I suppose I am happy with it. I like learning, and I like the lifestyle, and I'm certainly not looking forward to the prospect of a 9 to 5 job. I'm hoping my future career won't require the typical 9 to 5, but I really shouldn't keep my hopes up considering the current econimic climate. And beggars can't be choosers, etc. etc.

Dream job...? I'm not sure. I'm keeping my options open. I don't know whether that's wise or foolish, but there you go. I want to try out different things so I can find out what I'd like to do with the rest of my life, and as far as that goes, I'm starting to do just that. Right now, I'm interested in conservation. I did a little bit of that over summer, and I'd like to continue with it for a bit (or forever, depending on whether or not I decide that this is for me). Last year, my main goal was to get to Japan and teach English and sample the culture. That's....still on the agenda if I can get my arse in gear and organise it. That would be a different experience. And then there's the prospect of doing a Masters degree. Stay in education as long as possible so as to avoid the scary world of job seeking and 9 to 5s. But then money is an issue. There are always knots to figure out in future plans. We'll see.

So, 5/10 years down the line? Fuck if I know. It all depends on which decisions I make in the next couple of years.

I don't think any of my icons are appropriate for this post (I should probably make them more diverse, but then I don't really post much anyway so whatever) but this is probably the closest. Not that it really matters.

The title of this post (for those of you, if anyone is reading this, who don't know) is from a poem by W.H.Auden called 'Stop All The Clocks' or 'Funeral Blues'. It's one of my favourite poems because it's so brutally honest about how people tend to feel when a loved one dies. People may prefer a poem that gives comfort, that talks about rest and afterlife and thinking about the good things in life and moving on. Which is perfectly fine, and I don't dispute that those are obviously good things to focus on. But 'Funeral Blues', I feel, expresses the absolute devastation of death for the people who have to carry on living, and I think there's something incredibly soothing in having those feelings confirmed with such bitter words.

( A family friend died today. )

Ack, my lurkiness appears to be increasing! Aren't lurkers supposed to gradually de-lurk, rather than, um...en-lurken...ise? No, I don't know what I'm going on about either. Basically, I have been a very bad LJ user and haven't updated in something like 2 weeks. Which means I haven't been reviewing my shows! Blasphemy! And because I'm lazy, I do not really intend to. Yes, I'm sure you all find it tragic and feel you can't live without my amazing reviews now that you have had those brief, delicious tastes of them, but you'll just have to find a way of coping.

Oh, okay then, because I am merciful, I'll give some brief reviews.

( SPN, Lost and House ramblings )

In other news!
My first exam is swiftly approaching and I need to start revising. Unfortunately I have this horrible habit of...not. I mean, it really shouldn't be that hard, I just need to refamiliarise myself with the texts (or in some cases, start/finish reading them), look back through lecture notes and make sure I'm aware of important themes and link them in the texts. It's not that that I'm particularly averse to - in fact, I like the majority of the texts I studied for American Lit - it's just the very idea of work, of having something I have to do that puts me off doing it.
And I find multiple distractions. In the form of The Internet, other books I'd much rather read, eating (what? I can't work while I eat!) and Watching Stuff. One of those distractions has been cruelly confiscated. Which makes me sad. BUT I have found further distractions, which may be why I'm currently giving this update...apart from the fact that it was sorely needed.

But anyway, today, instead of revising, I've been thinking dissertation-y thoughts, and went hunting for jester-related resources, as I want to write about the role of jesters in literature. There's this awesome site that I've known about for a couple of years called The Jester's Mask which I reckon will be invaluable to me next year. It's got all sorts of info on jesters, like quotes, books, plays, poems, costume info, analyses, lists of all the different kinds of jester...It's just what I need, and I really do find it all incredibly interesting. So I've been scouring that site and a couple of others it linked me to.

Sadly, that site doesn't seem to get updated often. But some of the resource links are even worse. There was one or two sites I came across in my search that hadn't been updated since 2001. And it's so weird to think that there must be so many of these dead websites out there, just floating around, not being used, the links dead, the pictures vanished. It's just weird and kinda creepy. Kinda reminds me of this book I once read called Exodus which was set not too far into the future where the world has been almost completely flooded and technology has become practically obsolete. The protagonist has a rare object that allows her to access the internet, or what remains of it, and the way the author describes it makes it seem like a sort of junksite, or a graveyard of information. It wass haunting in a way. None of it was alive anymore, none of it being used - no one was there. Anyway, that's what it reminded me of, stumbling into a far corner of the internet where no one ever went anymore.

And now I'm going to go take a shower. Off out to see Star Trek soon. Yay?

I'm gonna keep it short. I know I've said that before and failed, but this time I don't have the means of including screencaps (due to actually watching this on tv - this barely ever happens!) So.

( Spoiler safety. Brought to you by LJ cuts. )

And on an unrelated note, I went into town today cos I've almost finished Ship of Magic and I'm too impatient to wait till I next see hikari_datenshi (i.e. Tuesday) to filch her copy of The Mad Ship. So I went to get my own copy. Hoped I'd be able to find one in charity shop, so I went to the 3 that I knew of (on opposite sides of town) but no luck. Ended up having to spend £8.99 on it. £8.99!! Extortionate, I tell ya! Still, I quite like the new covers they've got on 'em. All shiny and pretty.

Anyway, thought I'd have a bit of a wander, bought a few other things and had a look around the market and the food and crafts fayre - lots of shiny, pretty things, and lots of mouth-watering things, but I managed to resist those. I also thought I'd have a look in HMV and maybe get some SPN dvds if they were on offer. And while I was browsing, I saw this:

( For the lulz )

A brief note regarding tags: I may have stolen one of your words, hikari_datenshi, so as reparation for that, you now get your very own tag :D

What now? I'm not sure what to do with myself.

Be productive, did you say? Get some work done? Roflsnort! No no, ppl, serious suggestions only, plz. Kthx.

Just a short one, hopefully.

( Beware. Spoilers lurk in these parts. )

Okay, maybe that wasn't so short. *shrug*

That is all.

You do so make me sad =(

( So I made this (major spoilers for House 5.20) )

Stolen from hikari_datenshi who in turn stole it from batmanboxers 

1) What author do you own the most books by?
I have no idea. *Checks* I think, sadly, Robert Jordan holds that honour (I should have stopped at book 5). Along with JK Rowling. Yes, I think 7 is the maximum number of books I own by any single author. Oh, there's also CS Lewis, but the Narnia books are kinda small in comparison with Wheel of Time.

2) What book do you own the most copies of?
Actually...I don't own more than one copy of any book. Sorry.

3) Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
I barely even know what that means, so I'm going to say no.

4) What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
Hmm...I tend to fall in love with at least one character of whatever book I happen to be reading at any one time. Some memorable ones would be: Fool (Farseer/Tawney Man - I don't care even if he is androgynous, I love the hell out of him); Jon Snow (ASoIaF); Otori Takeo (Tales of the Otori). I'm probably forgetting some really crucial ones here, but my memory doesn't serve me at the best of times, let alone when I'm tired and kinda tipsy.

5) What book have you read the most times in your life (excluding picture books read to children; i.e., Goodnight Moon does not count)?
That would probably go to the Harry Potter books. Although I think I have yet to read book 7 again. I guess I've been saving them for a while.

6) What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
I think that was when my Harry Potter phase started. So probably Philosopher's Stone/Prisoner of Azkaban. Or I might've been in my Jacqueline Wilson phase around then. In which case, I remember really liking The Suitcase Kid for some reason. I remember she liked mulberries. They sounded delicious, whatever the hell they are.

7) What is the worst book you've read in the past year?
There have been a couple of books on the syllabus for this year's Eng Lit classes that I just didn't get beyond the first few pages of because they were that boring. (Adam Bede? No thank you.)

8) What is the best book you've read in the past year?
I'm gonna count this question as referring to the last 12 months. So....probably the hardest hitting one was The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. That one choked me up for a good few days after finishing it. It still stays with me now :(

9) If you could force everyone you tagged to read one book, what would it be?
I know a few people who just aren't interested in fantasy, so I won't say, perhaps.....Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

10) Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for Literature?
"NEIL GAIMAN. Cos I am a raging fangirl." Yeah, I'd have to agree with hikari_datenshi's answer for this. The man is a brilliant and admirable writer, and really deserves it, I think.

11) What book would you most like to see made into a movie?
Well, I'm really looking forward to seeing how A Song of Ice and Fire turns out, as I believe HBO are currently making it into a tv series. But as that's almost a cert, I suppose that isn't a valid answer to the question. Hmm....let's go with the Sandman graphic novels by Neil Gaiman. I've only read the first one so far, but it definitely seems like something that would be great material for a film, especially with Hollywood's current love for comic book films.

12) What book would you least like to see made into a movie?
I know I once had an answer to this question, but in all honesty I've forgotten... Let's just say Robin Hobb's Elderlings books. Just because I really wouldn't want people to screw up how I envision Fitz and the Fool. And even Nighteyes. Yeah, I don't think I want people tinkering with that story.

13) Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.
I should have a good answer to this considering the absurdity of some of my dreams, but nothing immediately comes to mind except one dream I had years and years ago where I was at a hotel, and Harry, Ron and Hermione were there (or maybe it was just the actors....) and.....we played catch. Yeah. Don't even ask, I've no idea. But really, characters from books tend to remain really intangible - I don't think they're....solid enough for me to imagine in my dreams. Who knows.

14) What is the most lowbrow book you've read as an adult?
I dunno. As in chick-lit quality? Cos I really don't read chick-lit. Philippa Gregory's probably the closest to that I've come. Or maybe Jodi Picoult. But could she really be counted as lowbrow? I suppose some people would consider fantasy to be lowbrow...

15) What is the most difficult book you've ever read?
I tend not to read books through to their end when I find them difficult to read - which usually means 'boring' for me.

16) What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you've seen?
To be honest, I've enjoyed pretty much every Shakespeare play I went to see live (David Tennant as Hamlet HELL YEAH), and I wouldn't say any of them were particularly 'obscure'. I do remember a few weeks ago when my Lit tutor showed us a clip of some company's version of A Midsummer Night's Dream to highlight some theory we were studying at the time (I forget which - Lacan, maybe? Something to do with discourse, perhaps). Anyway, that clip was really fucking bizarre. The fairies were writhing in pools of water and mud; they and Bottom and Titania kept making animal noises and exagerrated everything and made weird expression, and for some reason, there were feet all over the place. And then Titania and Bottom had an intimate moment I could have lived without being witness to. As I said, really fucking bizarre.

17) Do you prefer the French or the Russians?
I honestly know next to nothing about the Russians. I've never been to Russia nor met any Russians (as far as I can remember). So I'm gonna go with the French. Their language is sexy.
Although, now I think about it, I've probably heard of more Russian authors than French ones. Oh well.

18) Roth or Updike?
Buh?

19) David Sedaris or Dave Eggers?
Guh?!

20) Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?
Shakespeare, methinks. I have yet to read Chaucer (but I'd really like to someday) so I can't really make any kind of judgement on him. And Milton's okay, but a little too religious for my liking.

21) Austen or Eliot?
Never read any Austen, but I can tell from movie adaptations that I've much prefer her to Eliot. My two encounters with Eliot's work (Silas Marner and Adam Bede) were not pleasant. Not my kind of writing, I'm afraid.

22) What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?
Hmm....probably not a proper answer to the question, but the fact that I'm such a slow reader contributes to the giant gaps in my reading. So the most embarrassing thing for me is how slowly I read.
Oh, also, I have yet to read Terry Pratchett (other than Good Omens). So I guess that's kind of embarrassing, in a way.

23) What is your favorite novel?
Perhaps I'm a fickle reader, but I change my mind on this a lot on this and I have a lot of favourites. There's Robin Hobb's books (let's just go with the first one, Assassin's Apprentice, for the sake of naming just one novel); A Game of Thrones (George RR Martin); The Time Traveller's Wife (Audrey Niffenegger); Norwegian Wood (Haruki Murakami); Remains of the Day (Kazuo Ishiguro).
Okay, so I cheated with that one a little. I can't choose just one!

24) Play?
Sadly, I've seen relatively few plays beyond Shakespeare, so I don't have much of a variety to choose from. I was really fond of A Midsummer Night's Dream for a long time. But then there's also Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet, The Winter's Tale, The Tempest, King Lear (although I haven't seen the latter yet, or finished reading it for that matter, but hell, I like it anyway). Also, I read An Ideal Husband recently and rather enjoyed it.

25) Poem?
A few come to mind: 'The Garden' by Andrew Marvell. My friend's dad recited it to us this one time, and the poem's stuck with me ever since. It's a beautiful poem. Also, 'To His Coy Mistress' ("Had we but world enough, and time / This coyness, lady, were no crime...").

There's also a poem by Paul Laurence Dunbar called 'Sympathy' I rather like.
And 'Stop All The Clocks' by W. H. Auden.
And 'The Raven' by Edgar Allen Poe.

I suck at choosing singularly.

26) Essay?
Hmm, well this is a difficult one. I don't really read essays to be honest. Although I remember reading one called something like 'What is it like to be a bat?' I had to read it for Philosophy A Level a couple of years ago. Twas interesting. I think.

27) Short story?
I don't know. Probably something by Neil Gaiman. I haven't read all that many short stories in all honesty. Let's go with 'The Troll' (actually, was it called that? I'm unsure now.) I remember it was kinda sad. Which is 'happy' for deep people.

28) Work of nonfiction?
Either A Child Called 'It' by David Pelzer (tragic story), or Wild Swans by Jung Chang and I think that completes the number of non-fic books I've ever read

29) Who is your favorite writer?
Oh who knows, choose any of the ones I've previously mentioned. Neil Gaiman? Robin Hobb? George RR Martin? Haruki Murakami? Kazuo Ishiguro?

30) Who is the most overrated writer alive today?
"MEYER, lawl." - I agree with this answer.

31) What is your desert island book?
Oh god....shamefully, I would probably go with the Harry Potter series (well...if it could be/has been condensed into one book). They may not be my favourites anymore, but they're still way up there and I retain a deep fondness for them and could read them again and again. So yeah. Harry Potter, I'm afraid.

32) Who is your favorite critic or scholar?
Hmm...Out of the ones I studied this year, I'd probably go with Bakhtin, but mostly cos I'm most likely gonna be using him for my dissertation next year in relation to jesters.

33) Who is your favorite philosopher?
Nietzsche? Or maybe Aristotle? Or Sophocles? *shrug*

34) Who is your favorite public intellectual?
"Stephen Fryyyyy" - this is a good answer, I'm gonna stick with that.

35) And... what are you reading right now?
This meme Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb

Today sucks. Yesterday wasn't great, but today is craptastic. So I succeeded in getting up early as intended. Half 9. That's truly an achievement for me. And the plan was to get some much-needed work done. So far I've stared miserably at one of the poems I was going to include in my Creative Writing portfolio. Now I'm not so sure. I don't know if I can salvage it. Was really proud when I first wrote it, too. Reading through some of the crits I got for it - either they're incredibly patronising, or I really did screw it up thus giving them all cause to assume that I have no idea what the fundamental structural rules are for a sonnet. Sigh.

Maybe I'll try looking at one of my other pieces for a bit. I think I've just picked a wrong day to do this. I'm feeling hormonal and disparaging of everything I've ever written.

House is still downloading. I gave up with it last night. Got depressed looking at how slow it was going, so I turned it off altogether. Currently, it says it has about 10 hours to go. What the hell, internet? What did I ever do to you? And now, also, I think I know what happens in this episode, and I'm not pleased. I'm really not pleased. In the slightest. I mean, why would they do that?? Seriously, why?

I think I need some alcohol. I feel like drowning my sorrows in something, and I don't think coffee's gonna cut it.

Perhaps I'll just go spend another day reading Ship of Magic....

Hmm....I wish I hadn't got rid of my 'I hate everything' icon.

1) Something keeps beeping and I don't know what it is or where it's coming from. Fortunately it's not too regular, so I haven't quite been driven insane yet (unless the incessant beeping is a sign of insanity, which is more than likely).

2) The other night I dreamt I was herded into a gas chamber and I knew what was coming. I was fucking horrified and terrified and kept imagining how I was about to collapse on the floor choking on blood as soon as the gas fills the chamber. Fortunately, I think I was saved at the last minute. Phew.

3) Watching an episode of Lost over the period of an hour actually seems like it's shorter than when I just watch the full 40-odd minutes in one go. Stupid advert breaks. But aww, Sawyer!! Being all woobie about his daughter ^_^ I wasn't happy with Jack at all in this episode. I'm sad that he became such an arsehole. I loved in season 1/2 (round about then, anyway - I forget what happens in each season now, they all blur together). And BEN! Yay! I love how it's all fitting into place now.

4) Am about 300 pages into Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb and loving it. Robin Hobb is awesome, she really is. The way she writes each character's perspectives and makes each one sympathetic but also showing how clearly they're flawed. She really knows how to write a well-rounded character, this lady does. And god, the emotions she evokes. I've already cried once.
And now I'm getting such cravings to reread Farseer/Tawny Man books - I need some Fitz/Fool interraction. I love those two so much.

5) Due to crappy slow internet, it is taking fucking days to download season 4 of How I Met Your Mother and I am really fucking impatient now. I've been watching a couple more episodes of Pushing Daisies to fill the time, but I'm more in the mood to be watching HIMYM...

MY FIRST EVAR! I will try not to be lame BUT NO PROMISES.

I expect there will be a lot of caps (of both the 'screen' and the 'lock' varieties). Apologies for pics being small. I can't be arsed fiddling around with settings.

( 4.18 SPOILERS BEHIND THE CUT )</div>
My god, that was the longest post I've ever done.

But now I'm off to watch the promo for the next episode! Whee!

I was babysitting last night, and was randomly flicking through the channels, and settled on SciFi, and this programme came up called Sanctuary, so I thought I'd see what it's like. And it was going through the credits, and the name Christopher Heyerdahl came up, and I was like o.o Wait. WAIT...ALASTAIR!! Homg! So I watched the episode through (whilst reading - I must admit, I did get a little bored), but I did not see Alastair anywhere in sight D: So I just looked it up on imdb - turns out he was BIGFOOT. THAT WEIRD MONSTER DUDE. ROFLSNORT!!

Okay, now I really am procrastinating. Off to watch SPN.

my coffee went cold :((

So I set my alarm for 6am this morning - like last week - so I could start downloading 4.18. My last couple of downloads this week have been incredibly slow so I wanted to make sure I wouldn't have to wait too long, and I kinda wanted to wake up again with an already downloaded episode of Supernatural waiting for me. Woke up around 10:30 and saw it had successfully downloaded. Yayz. And went back to sleep (what? I was tired). Then woke up again at 11:45. Got dressed, helped Dad bring the shopping in, made myself a coffee, and came online. It is now 12:15. I think I'm procrastinating watching this episode. I almost don't want to watch it. I mean, I REALLY DO, but also...it's gonna be weeks till the next episode, and I want to be able to really savour this one (and from what I gather from people's post titles on my flist, it's a fricken awesome episode). But also, this is gonna be the first time (since I watched season 1) that I haven't watched a new SPN with hikari_datenshi. It's kinda sad. I'm down a squeeing buddy, and I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself. It's gonna be weird...

But hell, it's staring at me now. Gonna go watch. *cuddles pillow and clutches coffee*

OH OH, WAIT, I JUST REMEMBERED CASTIEL WAS IN MY DREAM. IN A COMPLETELY NON-SEXUAL WAY D: He, me and some random other people....were walking somewhere. Wait, no, we were in a car to begin with. HE WAS WEARING COWBOY BOOTS AND A COWBOY HAT. Then we were out of the car and walking, and then tons of tornados started up and we had to take cover, so we ran into a house and suddenly we were in my room and it was shaking, and I could see through the curtain that we were spinning through the air. Was kinda scary. I think Cas lost his boots and hat :(

Okay, all this fandom wank (I'm sure everybody is aware of what I refer to) is both a) fucking hilarious, and b) insane, scary and disturbing. It's weird, cos thus far, I don't think I've even come across any fanwank in SPN so far (probably cos I only really watch Dean/Cas related things, and it seems that D/C fans are all pretty much lovely and relatively sane people, thank god). So this is a new experience. Here's hoping it'll all sort itself out (and that Misha Collins does not receive a book of slashy goodness anytime soon....or ever).

Speaking of disturbing, I had an awful dream right before I woke up this morning. ( Gruesome dreamy ramblings... )

(<--me playing with ImageReady)

Yes, I realise I still haven't done any for 4.16. No, I do not know why. The screencaps are stil there, waiting for me...

to say that I will probably be away from LJ longer than I thought. I have once more been coerced into staying at Lauren's longer than intended. Apparently her mum's off for an interview in Norwich so they need someone to look after the dog for a coupla days, as Lauren'll be at college. This is fine by me 'cos he's the loveliest doggy in the whole world, but does mean that a) I'm going to be sooo behind on the fandom and new fics that are calling out to me (not sure I will be having internet access), b) I'm once more not going to be able to do an SPN picspam/reaction post for ages (was hoping to do it this weekend), and c) also probably won't get as much work done as I'd like (i.e. get started on editing up my creative writing portfolio/doing peer critiques/start reading up on stuff for that giant essay due in in a couple of weeks....eek).

On the plus side, I get to spread the Doctor Horrible love even more!! Yayz! Lauren has agreed to watch it later tonight ^_^ Also, we're having Chinese tonight. And tomorrow, looks like Lauren needs to do work too, so I may actually get the chance to get some of mine done. We'll see.

Either way, gonna be having some serious SPN-fandom withdrawal...

So, I'm gonna do this handwriting meme thing and hope it works:

Semi-tagged by lessrest 

1) Write your lj username
2) Write your two favorite bands/artists at the moment (not overall, just currently)
3) Draw a heart
4) Write the name of your favorite person of all time
5) Write down your recently favored person
6) Tag 5 people to do this meme




Apologies for fuzziness. a) My camera's crap; b) I am not technologically competent. So, sorry if you can't read it....

So, my laptop's really struggling lately. I think it's because, at home, it lives on my bed therefore very easily overheats. Its fan's whirring constantly like the thing's being tortured and is struggling to breathe. I expect it to break any day now and start torturing other innocent, unsuspecting laptops. I'll keep a wary eye on it.

Surprisingly, however, the internet has not been as mischievous and unpredictable as I had....predicted. I mean, it hasn't even cut out yet, and I've been home for over 2 days now. It's amazing!

In other news...( RL ramblings )

I know who I'll be stealing that from! *pointed look*

Anyway, icons! Which I did a few days ago, but I'm bored and want to share. Not many, but...
(Warning, some from 4.15)


( Click )